May 3

Ode to the Roadshow: A Traveling Salesman’s Epic Ballad

Hark! Gather round, ye weary business travelers, as I sing the praises of our most beloved and enduring corporate ritual—the Roadshow. This grand old tradition has been the making (and breaking) of many a valiant sales warrior. For whom among us can resist the siren song of the open road, the call of the wild projector, the sweet symphony of roller suitcase wheels upon airport tile?

Prologue: The Majesty of Packing

Our tale begins in the hallowed halls of one's own home, where the roadshow knight prepares for battle. Armor thyself in the finest of business casual—garments forged in the mystical land of Non-Iron. Fill thy noble steed, the wheeled carry-on, with essentials: a week’s worth of attire rolled tighter than a royal scroll, an arsenal of chargers, and that blessed travel-sized toiletry kit. Lo! Do not forget thine armor for the feet, the sacred sneakers—hidden away like a shamed family secret beneath thy business socks.

Chapter One: The Airport—Gateway to Glory

Arrive at the airport, that grand arena where hope springs eternal (and on time, if the gods are kind). Partake in the ritual of security, where belts are removed, laptops unveiled, and dignity—alas—sometimes forsaken. Once through, partake of the hallowed lounge, where wine doth flow like water and tiny sandwiches vanish faster than restraint.

Chapter Two: The Conquest of the Skies

Board thy chariot, the great winged tube of steel. Find solace in thine assigned seat, a throne of limited legroom. Feast upon a bounty of peanuts and pretzels, and toast with thine plastic goblet of ginger ale. Thus fortified, practice thine art of small talk with thy neighbor, trapped beside thee by fate and seat assignment.

Chapter Three: The Land of Conference Rooms

Arrive in the fabled lands of Conference Room A, B, or perhaps C (if thou art not so fortunate). Here, the trials begin. Unleash the power of PowerPoint, each slide a catapult hurling facts and figures over the walls of client indifference. Battle the beasts of technical difficulties and the specters of unexpected questions. Stand firm, dear knight, for glory awaits!

Chapter Four: The Demo

Enter the arena with thy trusted steed, the venerable demonstration kit. Set forth the devices, gadgets, or samples with the flourish of a skilled magician, each reveal more breathtaking than the last. Watch the eyes of thy audience sparkle with intrigue as thou demonstrate the prowess of thy wares, a true spectacle of persuasion and prowess.

Chapter Five: The Pull-Ups

Raise high the banners, the pull-up stands that tower like sentinels, guarding the realm of thy temporary court. Each one a herald of thy quest, proudly displaying the colors and crests of thy noble enterprise, attracting knights and nobles alike to the round table of negotiation.

Chapter Six: The Handouts/Flyers

With a satchel brimming with the paper soldiers of marketing—the handouts and flyers—distribute thy lore. Each piece is a crafted story, a promise of greatness, handed to passersby with the grace of a royal decree. These papers flutter like leaves in autumn, carrying thy message far and wide across the hallowed halls of commerce.

Chapter Seven: The Tchotchkes

Ah, the treasure trove of trinkets! Bestow upon thy potential allies the gifts of pens, keychains, and other enchanted artifacts emblazoned with thy crest. These tokens, small yet mighty, are keepsakes of thine encounter, meant to bewitch the holder with fond memories of discourse and the allure of future dealings.

Chapter Eight: Feasts and Festivities

As night falls, join the local dignitaries (also known as potential clients) for feasts in high towers (or chain restaurants near the hotel). Bond over shared quests and tales of roads previously traveled. Laugh too loud, smile too wide, and remember everyone’s names as if they were thy kin.

Chapter Nine: Hauling the Great Suitcase

Behold the epic pilgrimage from airport to airport, from venue to venue, dragging the great suitcase—a behemoth of burden packed to the brim with the tools of trade. Though thy muscles ache and sweat doth glisten upon thy brow, persevere! For the weight of this great beast is nothing compared to the weight of potential success.

Chapter Ten: The Return

After many days and nights, when the deals have been struck and the business cards exchanged like vows, return to thine home. Drag thy weary body through thy front door and collapse upon thy couch, armor still on, suitcase still packed. Sleep, brave traveler, for soon the call will come again.

Thus concludes our ode to the roadshow, that tireless test of fortitude. Rejoice in the journey, for each mile traveled is a story written, each handshake a bond formed. Raise high your loyalty cards, road warriors, for you have earned every point.

But wait, there are New Venues

Lo! The winds of commerce doth shift, and with it, the stage of our gallant roadshow warriors. Imagine, if you will, a venue not of stone and mortar, but of pixels and light. From the comfort of thine own castle, run demos with the ease of a court jester flipping a trick coin. Spin up a breakout room for a video discussion with an interested prospect as easily as a minstrel tunes his lute.

Send thy flyers through electronic missives, each click delivering thy decree as swiftly as a falcon flies. And fear not the loss of thy treasured Tchotchkes; dispatch these small yet mighty tokens by mail, each package a trove of potential alliance, landing on doorsteps like the morning dew.

Thus, stay thy weary soles, for the road now travels to thee. Embrace these new halls of virtual commerce, where the echoes of your triumphs need not be confined by walls, but can spread, as boundless as the horizon. Here's to the new era of roadshow warriors—may your Wi-Fi be strong and your coffee still stronger.


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